Every morning I wake my son up, get him dressed and give him breakfast, then set him up at our kitchen table with my laptop and some headphones for class. Then, I get my daughter and we take our time eating our breakfast and getting ready for the day. She loves to pick out her own clothes and go through her own beauty routine, so it’s easy to make playtime out of it. I have really had to let go and put more trust into my son to do his schoolwork on his own. I realized that if he can be a great student who works independently in school, he is more than capable of doing the same from home. I check in on him a few times each class, but one way that I have been able to manage both kids being home while only one is in class is to give my son the freedom to prove he can do it on his own. Also, using headphones this time has made a huge difference. He is way less distracted by the noise around him, which allows my daughter to play anywhere in the house. While my son does his remaining schoolwork, I set my daughter up with play doh or slime, do chalk or bubbles with her outside, play barbies, or any of the other typical preschooler activities. 

I have also learned to rely on my husband more this time. We are both working from home and we are both parents, so we need to share the responsibility. I ask my husband to take some time out of his day to help me out, even if that means extending his work hours by a little bit. Often, he will take my daughter for a walk to the mailbox or a drive to the Tim Horton’s drive thru pick up some treats so I can have a few minutes to myself. Usually, I spend this time making lunch or cleaning, but it’s nice to be able to do it without interruption. All of this sounds like a well-oiled machine, but let me tell you, our system is not without its faults.

At this point, you’re probably asking, “what does all of this have to do with balancing kids while working from home…working has hardly been mentioned at all!” That, my friends, is intentional. As I mentioned before, scheduling is key, and for me, there is no room during the 9-2:30pm class time to get any of my work done. My son has my laptop while he is in class, and I am so busy entertaining both kids when he’s not learning that I rarely get a chance to hop online and get anything done myself. However, the demands of my position only require me to work an average of 30-40 hours a month, which I realize is unusual. Although my hours are a lot less demanding than the norm, I still need to find the time to fit them in while still balancing the rest of my household. In my schedule, I have given my kids screen time from the time class ends until the time dinner is ready, however long or short that time may be, so that I can have some time to get work done. Often, this screen time is done in the basement, beside my husband’s desk while he works. No, this is not ideal for my husband, but he has most of the day to work in (relative) silence while I juggle the mad house upstairs. For his remaining hour or two of the workday, he gets to keep an eye on the kids while they play independently so I can get some work done. I take advantage of playtime after dinner to get work done, and sometimes I even do work after the kids are in bed.

As is the case with many kids navigating online learning, getting my son to consistently log in and actually focus during schooltime has proved to be a challenge.  What have I done to overcome this challenge? Bribery. Yep – I’m not afraid to say it. We told our son that if he did all his schoolwork, kept up good grades, and didn’t argue with us about school for the remainder of online learning, we’d buy him the newest expensive Pokémon game. Am I proud of this bribe? Not necessarily, but sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to make things work. You know what? Since we have made this deal with our son, we have had almost no arguments about focussing or doing homework.  He knows that when class is over, he needs to do his work before he starts his break, and then he’s free to play until his next class starts. In the past two weeks, I haven’t had to argue with him about schoolwork at all, and to me, that’s worth the bribe!

If you have littles at home like me, you too have likely started to struggle in coming up with ideas to keep them occupied and even the most creative kids, are also starting to get bored with their “usual” play at home.  I started to notice that, for whatever reason, I was constantly having to come up with ideas for things they could play or sit and guide them in a certain activity which was pulling me more and more away from my already flexed work schedule.  To mitigate this, I wrote a list of playtime activities and stuck it on my fridge. I told my kids that before they come to mom, they must try an activity from the list.  This seems to have helped minimize the constant need for my attention and given them the chance to be more independent.  Win, win!

The thing I have struggled with the most while juggling work and online learning is mom guilt. There are days where I feel like I didn’t spend enough time with one or both of my kids, or that maybe I was too hard on them. I struggle with feeling like I am putting way too much pressure on my son at times. Sometimes I feel like I’m relying way too much on my husband, who already has so much on his plate with work. Other times I feel like the house is falling apart, and that I’m not doing a good enough job keeping it together. I know that I am tired, and I spread myself too thin which makes it difficult to be the mom, wife and friend I want to be. We want to do it all, but sometimes we can’t, and we must learn that that is okay. We must learn to take the good days with the bad.

At the end of the day, the point of this blog is to say that being a work-from-home parent is HARD. Every family is in their own unique situation during this pandemic and adding online learning to this already demanding moment in time is almost impossible. My advice to any parent going through this situation is to take the good days when you have them, and when you have bad days, try to remember that they don’t last forever. It’s okay to bask in your own glory on your good days, and to celebrate your successes. Remember that when you feel like the worst parent or partner in the world, it’s likely only you who feel that way. Your kids don’t see your faults the way that you do, but they can feel your stress. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to find time for yourself. Everybody needs a mental break, whether that means a walk, bubble bath, or half hour to watch your favourite show. Do what you need to do to reboot and keep going. Be sure to make time for your family because that family time is what matters most. It could be a screen-free hour at dinner, a pointless family drive, or even a fun game of Mario Kart; whatever it takes to make those memories and have conversations as a family to reconnect at the end of each day.